


Conference Call

by Ghostmedic



Category: Original Work
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dreams and Nightmares, Gen, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23751658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostmedic/pseuds/Ghostmedic
Summary: If your reading this you should probably just stop and read the story. Its only 1,147 words. It wont take but a moment of your time. If you still insist of reading this summary than I should warn you there isn't much to the story so...  I was woken from a deep slumber I find myself in a undesirable state of being.  Completely uncomfortable and in dire need of relief; I embark on an epic adventure to the bathroom across the hall and the kitchen downstairs. Then something unexpected happens (hint:look at the title). From the deepest reaches of my subconscious here comes a tale of woe and embarrassment that can only be achieved in ones own dream.





	Conference Call

I slowly started to wake from a peaceful slumber. My mouth was as dry as my cat's litter box. Ugggh. I began to contour my face in an attempt to bring life into my tired muscles. Slowly I remember who I was as the memories of my past began to fill my head. I brought my hand up to rub away the gunk from my eyes. There was a surprisingly large amount today. I rolled the gooey gunk on my fingers for several moments and then wiped my fingers on my shirt. Wow, why do we have to be so gross? My skin felt sticky and my butt cheeks seemed to be stuck together. The blankets felt like they were smothering me and I gently waved them to provide some sort of relief. I brought my wrist watch to my face and clicked the button to light up the screen. The soft light illuminated the numbers 03:40. Why the hell was I awake? I don't have to be up for another…. 4... no… 3 hours and 20 minutes. Fuck my life. Maybe I should just skip work today. They won't miss me. 

That's when a similar sensation started to arise inside my groin. I needed to take a piss. With a protesting groan I threw off my warm comforter and lowered my feet to the floor. The night air felt cool against my skin, but I still felt hot. I took off my shirt and banished it towards the corner. I sat on my bed slumped forward with my forearms on my knees, just utterly dispising life. Why couldn't I just go back to bed? I tried summoning up the courage and the energy to stand up. I placed my hands on my knees and with great protest from my muscles and an inhuman groan I stood up. I straightened my back and extended my arms and forced them backwards. A great symphony of cracks and pops erupted from my back and shoulders. I’m getting too old for this shit. 

Dragging my toes across the soft carpet I slowly meandered my way to the bathroom across the hall. After opening the bathroom door, my hand hovered over the light switch. Perhaps, this wasn't the time to turn the light on. There was a soft glow from the street light outside. I could see the outline of the toilet fairly well. There is no need to turn the light on and banish the remaining feelings of sleep from my head. They would come in handy when I would answer the siren’s call of my mattress of solitude. 

I lifted the lid and dropped my drawers. I said a little prayer and hoped that I would direct my urine in the proper direction. I relaxed my body and a familiar sound of pee hitting porcelain echoed out of the toilet bowl. I was confident that I was not getting piss everywhere. That confidence was slowly becoming weaker as my brain started walking up. I should have just turned on the lights. Maybe, I was just pissing on the toilet? Ever so slightly I readjusted and tried to seek out the water. Nope nope nope, that was definitely the wrong direction. I urgently tried to return to my original position. Shit I over corrected. After several more delirious corrections I found the sweet spot again. My ears were full of the sweet sound of success. Well looks like I have a mess to clean up tomorrow. 

I went to pick up my drawers from the floor only for my hand to instantly recoil. They were wet. Fuck… I carefully stepped out of them and flushed the toilet. As soon as I stepped into the hallway I decided to head downstairs to the kitchen and grab a drink of water.

When I reached the stairs, I paused. What if someone breaks into my home? I'm as naked as the day I was born. I'd be too vulnerable, or would I… My face lips pursed and my forehead wrinkled and I sunk into deep thought. I could just go back to my room and slip on a pair of shorts. After a very unproductive and silent internal debate, I decided that me being naked would actually be an advantage. If anyone happened to be invading my home, they certainly wouldn't be prepared to fight off a naked man. With a slight chuckle and a sense of confidence I walked down the stairs. 

The kitchen was aglow with the bright yet subtle light coming from the laptop charger plugged into the island outlet. I walked past my closed laptop and opened the cupboard above me. That's when I heard a strange, yet familiar voice “shouldn’t you be in bed”? Uhh thats weird that sounded like my aunt. A light appeared to my back and cast my silhouette onto the wooden cupboards in front of me. I was terrified to turn around. 

Somehow my feet found the courage that my head failed to muster. I faced the source of the light, which was my now open laptop on the kitchen island. I blinked my eyes into focus and the screen displayed my Aunt Caroline in a novelty pink cat sweater and drinking out of a plain white mug. She slowly sat it down as cheerfully stated “shouldn't you be in bed? You have work in a couple hours”? 

After an awkward pause I managed to calmly say “Ummmmmm… I’m just getting a drink of water. Whaat umm what..?” Before I could finish my question, a very loud bloop reverberated off the walls. I suddenly realized that I was very naked and standing in front of a computer that was level with my groin. “FUCK FUCK FUCK. How do I turn this shit off”. I reached towards the computer. The air became thick with the sounds of people joining in the video chat. It seemed like my entire family was calling me. I frantically grabbed my mouse and crouched behind the counter. I couldn't find the cursor. Where the fuck is the cursor. It was lost in the endless screens of my loving family members. A chaotic symphony erupted from my computer as they all started talking to me. Some held utter looks of disgust while others were laughing their asses off. 

I gave a nervous smile and tried to gleefully say “hey guys, when did we arrange this”? Completely ignoring the wave of responses I continued my frantic search for the cursor. Finally, there it was. It was lost into Aunt Caroline’s sweater, but why wasn't it moving…. Shit the mouse is dead. My thumb slammed down on the track pad, and I quickly closed the program. I slumped to the floor and let my back rest against the kitchen drawers now fully awake. I should of just turned on the bathroom light. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this story that is based off of a very vivid dream I once had. I hope you enjoyed it. While the main theme of the story seems to be the shame of video chatting your entire family naked; I like to think that its more about the main character waking up. Often times we resist becoming fully alert and make our lives more difficult because we enjoy holding onto the last remnants of sleep and just waiting for the moment we can go back to bed. Thank you for your time and please don't hesitate to tell me what you think of it.


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